Thursday, July 19, 2012

So THIS is Married Life

Nothing says "Welcome to the Family" like helping in the funeral preparations for your father-in-law, just over a week after he became that to you. I sound facetious, but it's been a cruel juxtaposition of emotions from not knowing if dear Ken would live long enough to view our wedding video from his palliative care room in the nursing home (he did), to feeling incredible joy on the wedding day (also Ken's birthday), to taking "honeymoonettes" (so as to be close to home), to the heart-wrenching final moments of Ken's life.

I went to the location of our wedding yesterday to pick up some wine that had been left behind and I felt such grief that this place of happiness (I mean, I have never seen my new husband, Rob any happier), was now a cruel reminder of a moment before our lives changed horribly. It seems frivolous and callous to look at our wedding pictures. It is a time of mourning. It is a time of being supportive of this grieving man whom I did not think I could love any more than I did before we were married. It is a time to be a real part of his family and to hold my new mother-in-law in her sorrow. It is a time to step up.

Tomorrow we will celebrate Ken's life. I come from a small family and had never been in an obituary, let alone sat in a funeral home to go over planning. I had never called a funeral home in the middle of the night to arrange for the transfer of a loved one. I had been a wife before, but never has the role of wife been more apparent than in these last few days. I looked into Rob's eyes a short time ago and vowed to be by his side. Here I am.

1 comment:

  1. lovely, touching commentary, Michelle. You are so right, THIS is married life. Your husband needs you more than ever right now, and I know if you're anything like I was, you will drive yourself silly trying to figure out some way to help take the hurt away. Don't feel frivolous or callous looking at your wedding pictures, rather, know that Ken got to see the wedding video and share in that with the two of you, and that he 'left' knowing that you were going to be there to 'take care' of his son.